Thursday, January 21, 2010


I've noticed a shift occurring in me. It feels very much like things are synthesizing, reducing, and becoming clearer, after a long period of muddiness and chaos. Throughout my life, well my adult life anyway, I have had a series of themes, periods of focus on different things. One led into the other pretty much, but I always wondered if I was being led somewhere or if I was just adrift on the current of my life. I am not sure about being led, but I do see a pattern emerging.

The periods went like this: Physical appearance, home decor and design, birth, breastfeeding, unschooling, spirituality, politics, economy, homesteading. During a specific period, I was passionate about that topic, read everything I could about it, sought out like minded people, immersed myself in it. And then, I was full and moved on to the next. I have not lost my interest in any of the topics, and would happily chat with someone about any of them at any time, and I still have all the knowledge and skills gained. It is just that as each one passes, so does my desire to "do" anything with it on a larger scale. I no longer want to be a La Leche league leader, an unschooling speaker/author, a political activist, a homesteader. All those titles would mean that my whole life would be wrapped up in that one passion. And seeing how my passions flow like a swiftly running river, how can I ever choose to grab onto the bank and anchor myself in one place? To do that, I fear I would drown.

Like that quote yesterday says, I should be myself and try to do that perfectly. I am not a one thing for my whole life kind of person. I am passionate, but serially, not singularly. I kept waiting for all my passions to lead me to that One Big Thing. Rather than like a path taking me to a single place, my journey has been like travelling a spiral, passing each place over and over, taking something more each go-around, while pursuing something new at the same time. My past informs and infuses my present, but does not direct my future.

Maybe the shifting I feel is the beginning of a new passion brewing in me. But it also feels like whatever that passion is, it is something familiar. Not the same as before, but maybe a synthesis of what came before. Maybe I am getting closer to a One Big Thing, but a whole that incorporates the parts. Or maybe I have learned to accept my nature, as ephemeral as it is. That would be nice.


Tara W. said...

"I am passionate, but serially, not singularly."

I love that. I feel the same way. I've always gone through shifts and they've always somehow been connected, one leading to the next. I think that's good for me though. I think I came here to explore and understand, rather than to specialize.

Right now I feel like I'm going back to the beginning - like it's time to figure out more how to Be before I figure out what to Do.

I'm curious what you feel your next Big Passionate Thing might be?

Ray the Poet said...

I totally, 100% get what you're saying here and am so on the same wavelength. I've found a sense of frustration when I've learned what seems like all I can learn for the time being about a particular topic. Whether it's nutrition, birth or unschooling, I always seem to reach the "end of my rope"- still collecting bits of information and still really caring- just feeling ready to move on to the next major passion. I'm right there with you. Thanks for this post- it really inspired me to think and do some heart-searching.

Heather said...

I do the same thing (as do my kids) and I have found that I end up later using my previous passions in one way or another. Also have learned that just because I am super enthusiastic doesn't mean I will ever stick through it. I like to think of myself as having a "church planter" personality-- get things up and running then hand it off to someone else.

Of course knowing that it is hard not to try to dampen the initial passion and enthusiasm knowing that it will likely dry up. I am currently in between big passions and working on several small ones and waiting to see what the next "big thing" is. At least it keeps things from getting boring-- I hate boring!

Sabrina said...

Wow, Miranda, I can relate to so much of what you said here. I go through phases...right now I'm very much in a home phase. Funny, but a few years ago I wouldn't have been interested in the things I'm seeking out now. But right now, centering on my home relates back to all of my interests: family, cooking, making things, gardening, becoming more self sufficient...etc.

Sometimes I wish I were the type of person that could focus keenly on one thing and excel. But I'm definitely a dabbler and I love to figure out how to o things I haven't one before.

Love yesterday's quote. it is a constant struggle to accept myself for who I am right now.

Annette said...

Maybe that 'One Big Thing' is your connection to yourself - fully. Absolutely accepting yourself, being gentle with yourself, enjoying each moment and living with the joy that comes from feeling so very comfortable with Who You Are.

Neale Donald Walsch says:
"There is nothing I have to have,
There is nothing I have to do,
There is nothing I have to Be,
except exactly what I am Being Right Now."

Miranda said...

By jove, I think she's got it! Yes, Annette, that might just be the thing. I am learning how to BE and accept myself more. As for garden variety passions, Tara, knitting is fun right now!

flowers said...

I love it (and I can so relate).

So much of our lives is spent waiting for that "One big Thing" until you realize there is no one big thing and then you have to figure out what really makes you happy day to day. That's where I'm at :)