Obsessions

We have been watching the Olympics and the one event we focused on was ice skating. It is the only one the girls had any interest in and really the only one I cared about as well. We would tivo the nights that had coverage and watch them the following night, skipping to the skating parts. A would say each and every night we watched, "I HAVE to go skating again!" So we did. Saturday we all went as a family and even invited some friends along. Both girls did amazingly well. They have improved so much since the last time we went, and I credit it with the rollerblade practice they have had. A got out on the ice and just made it look like she was born to skate. E even held her own, preferring to hold my hands, or hands, for the majority of the time, but more confident than she had been before. Things being how they are, when we got home from the skating, the movie Ice Princess was in our mailbox. I had a raging headache, so I went to lie down, but C and the girls all watched it. They begged me to watch it with them today, so we did this evening. Quite the unschooling movie, I must say. All about following your heart and passions and succeeding because of that and not the "training". Anyway, the actual skating was the focus for the girls. They spent the second half of the movie pretending to skate, twirling and leaping across the floor. I have been told we will be going skating a lot more!

I have something to share that I have been a bit obsessed with the last few days. There was a tragedy that touched the unschooling community - a little girl died very shortly after being diagnosed with leukemia. I had been reading her mother's account of the treatment she was undergoing, having a personal connection to cancer as my own mother died from it five years ago. It came as quite a shock when an email from one of my unschooling lists came into my mailbox stating that this little girl had died. I pretty much reeled for a day or two, as if it had been my own child who left me so suddenly. I scoured the unschooling blogs and boards and lists all weekend, devouring the tiniest tidbit of news about her death or her family's experience, with a neediness I did not expect in myself. Almost as if I was creating a talisman against the same tragedy occurring in my own family. If that makes ANY sense.

It was amazing to see how people like myself, who did not know this family, other than seeing emails from her mother on unschooling lists, rallied to reach out to this family in their time of need. All because they felt, in some small way, a part of the bigger family of unschoolers. It brought home to me how incredible the internet is, how it can bring so many people together under the common goal of unschooling, no matter how far apart we are, no matter how different we may be on the surface. I could go on and on about this, but I won't right now. I just want to share one more thing. In this little girl's obituary it said:

In lieu of flowers, the family requests outpourings of love and tender regard to every child, and gratitude on the part of parents of living children everywhere.

If we could all just remember that the little people we have brought into this world could leave us at any moment, and remember to treat them as the precious gifts that they are, what a wonderful world we could create. I believe that this child's life was a gift - that this truth is what she was meant to bring into the world. I know it is one gift I will hold dear my entire life.

You Say Catsup, I Say Ketchup

Miss us? The longer I go between posting, the harder it is to get back to it. Let's see, where did I leave off? Well, we got through Valentines day - the streamers E put up for decorations are still up and lots of candy is still kicking around- and have had a bunch of playdates the past week. On Thursday, we had our Life learners event at one of our members houses. The girl's friend M, who is moving soon, was not going to be able to come so we arranged to pick her up to take her with us to play. She was also going to spend the night. We had a fun day there and then the girls had a good sleepover.
<---Here they are with their party spread of food they made on their own. They could have played all day Friday as well, but her mom came to get her midday. Then they wandered around the house moaning about not having anything to do. Cups half empty, I guess. Saturday was a quiet family day. I think we went shopping at Lowes or something.
C and the girls made baking soda and vinegar volcanoes in the sink. ---->
Sunday C was sick so we went to church without him, which meant we could hang out as long as we wanted afterward. That was nice. Monday's a blur. Tuesday we watched a friend's son for a few hours. The girls had fun playing with him. Standard moaning when he left. Wednesday, hmmm, that was yesterday. Yeah. And today we picked up M to bring her here to play for the day. Lots of creative play going on today. Messy, fun, and amazingly productive for me. I usually end up running interference for them, but today they played together so well, I was free to putter and do stuff.

A asked me to close my eyes, while she led me into the family room. This is what I saw when I opened them:

Frog Gone

Well, today we flushed the poor dead tadpole down the toilet. After many months (!) of tadpole transformation, he never made it to frogdom. The girls looked down into the bowl and said goodbye and that they loved him and then E flushed him off to froggy heaven. Already looking ahead, A asked if this meant we could get another pet. I don't know if I can do another water dwelling creature. It is bad enough that our cat has to remind me for days to clean out her water bowl. Poor fish and frogs, they can't even tell me they are suffocating in putrid water. *sigh* I'm starting to think that getting a pet that the kids take care of on their own would be an improvement over my record. So tell me again how I ended up with such animal lovers for kids?

In other news, I am going to be published! I sent in an article to an awesome unschooling magazine and they accepted it for the upcoming issue! The magazine is called Live Free Learn Free and it is the only one that is written by unschoolers, for unschoolers. Very cool! I got the news yesterday and it made my Valentine's day. Can you tell I am excited? I told the girls I was going to be published and they acted happy for me, but not terribly so. A little while later, A asked me if I had already written the article, and I told her they already had it and that it was going in the next issue. Well, she started squealing with delight and hopping up and down on her seat. She had finally understood exactly what was going to happen, and she could not contain her excitement. That took me a bit by surprise, but made me very happy and I told her so. What a blessing to have your seven year old truly understand how important something is to you and to be so happy for you!

The girls woke up to a pile of candy and goodies for V-day, including a card I had made for each of them. A opened hers and started to read it. She could read the whole thing except for the words "soooo" and "proud". She was so proud of herself for reading it, and I was as well. E pretended to read hers. One day she is going to really read something and I am going to think she made it up to be like her sister. She likes to sneak up on us like that. She really knows how to fake it till you make it!

We watched Edward Scissorhands last night and the girls liked it so much it went in the dvd player first thing this morning for a second viewing. When I put it on our Netflix list, I worried it was too dark for them. But I had not seen it for many years and had forgotten how sweet it really was. The darker scenes spawned conversations about jealousy, being drunk, and how people end up "bad". A hummed the music all day.

A and I finished Harry Potter #6 tonight. I managed to get through the whole thing, even if I had to pause to cry a bit. A was not helping when she would let out little exclamations of grief as I read the sad parts. She was sad to be done, but is looking forward to starting something new. We might read Eragon next or start up the Chronicles of Narnia.

A Little Something to Tide You Over

I was playing the photographer the other day and set up a "studio" out under our gazebo. Here are a few of my best shots:

Strange, but fun, bloggin' things!

There I was, reading other people's blogs, seeing this four things meme, feeling kinda left out even though I shouldn't have, it is not like I am the queen of blogs or anything and everyone knows me and is dying to tag me, and what do I wake up to? Shana from Live Free Learn Free tagged me! So here goes:

The Four Things Meme

Four Jobs You Have Held

1. Range girl (the one who picks up, washes and sorts into the baskets all the golf balls on the driving range at the end of the day)

2. Bartender/short order cook/pro shop attendant/waitress at the same golf course

3. Waitress at a "gentleman's club". No, not what you are thinking. It was fine dining in a city club. I served state senators, judges and the rich of Syracuse, NY.

4. Operational Test and Evaluations Subsystems Engineer for the B-2 Stealth Bomber while on active duty in the Air Force.

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over

1. Star Wars

2. The Lord of the Rings

3. The Princess Bride

4. Anything by Hayao Miyazaki

Four Places You Have Been on Vacation

1. Disneyworld when I was eight, 19, and 27

2. Jamaica on my honeymoon, Couples resort in Ocho Rios

3. The beach in Destin, Florida

4. Visiting family in Alabama and New York

Four Websites You Visit Daily

1. Unschooling.info forums

2. Google

3. My unschooling support group at Yahoo, the Life Learners

4. Too many blogs to mention

Four of Your Favorite Foods

1. Cheesecake, preferably mine

2. Filet Mignon

3. Fresh picked berries, any kind

4. Chocolate!

Four Places You Would Rather Be Right Now

1. On the massage table

2. At the beach, any beach

3. On top of a mountain, one that I climbed myself

4. Curled up in bed with a good book, all day

Four Cars You Have Owned

1. My mother made me buy a car with my own earned money for my brother to drive. I did not even have my license, it was some little used two door foreign car, I think. I never drove it.

2. A big, turquoise blue, gas guzzler from the 1960's, can't remember the make, still did not have my license, but I did drive this one. I remember it had a nice big back seat. ;-)

3. 1994 Saturn Sports Coupe, plum, still in the driveway

4. 2000 Dodge Minivan, also still in the driveway

Four Bloggers You Are Tagging

1. Stephanie

2. Pat

3. Julie

4. Liz

Snapshots of our day...

Look Ma, no hands! Never mind the training wheels, she is proud of this!

My graceful Scooter girl.

A led me to her sister's room and asked me to close my eyes as I entered.

She then said, "She made me do it."

And I was told I could open my eyes.

This is what I saw.

Should I be scared?

On Bribery and Manipulation

Today I received the latest copy of Family Fun magazine. I get it for the cool craft/food/game/fun ideas, but along with that comes unwanted exposure to some aspects of parenting that just rub me the wrong way. The thing that jumped out at me today was how much of the stuff that is promoted as a good idea is really about controlling kids. There was a tip for getting your kids to eat what you want them to eat, one for getting them to do chores, and both involved basically bribing them. No mention of intrinsic motivation, it was all about what stuff to give them if they do what you want them to do. Or thinly disguised punishments, passed off as consequences or limits. The focus is so much on the end result that the journey is lost. If you constantly bribe your children to do what you want them to do, what happens when the goodies are not there? If you punish them for not doing something, what happens when you are not looking? Do these parents really think their kids are learning how best to nourish their bodies, or to joyfully help out around the house? They may go through the motions of doing what is "right" but what is the drive behind these acts? For me the focus should be on the why of everything, letting them figure out why certain foods are good for them, and why it is good to help others. And letting them find their own answers, not forcing my own answers onto them. If this means they make mistakes along the way, all the better! How better to truly learn what works for you?

Even the idea for special ways to honor your child was all about allowing things you don't normally allow (skipping a chore) or giving more of the "special" stuff (extra whipped cream on dessert). It is all about control, even when they think they are being nice! How about not requiring chores and being truly blessed when your child pitches in unasked? Or not controlling food and finding that your child eats a pretty balanced diet over time anyway? What is the greater sin, a child who eats poorly for a few days and gets sick because of it or a child forced to eat peas who ends up hating them for life and refuses to touch one as an adult? At least the sick child gets a chance to make a connection for themselves between food and health. And what is worse, having a kid who doesn't help out much around the house or forcing one to do the dishes every night so that they grow up to hate doing dishes? Trust me, I was that child and I still don't like to do the dishes!

Ok, rant over. I am so blessed to have found a better way to be with my children. Anyone interested can find much more eloquent commentary on this stuff in these books: Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Cohn and Parenting a Free Child by Rue Kream
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Reply to Vanessa, see comments:

You are right. What your parents did was not the best for you. I, however, am not advocating leaving the children to the wolves. Your parents failed to provide a safe, clean and healthy environment for you. They let you have freedom, but failed to model what keeping your environment clean looks like. They forgot that it was their responsibility and left you to figure it out on your own. I think it is a terrible thing to leave your children high and dry like that. How are they going to know how to clean if you don't show them? Notice I said "show" them not "make" them. There is more than one option between "make them clean" and "never make them clean". It is not that simple and there is a whole spectrum of options there. How about clean for them (thereby showing them how it is done) and invite them to help (but never force and accept no as an answer) and allow them to oppourtunity to be generous (and express your genuine gratitude when you get help)? It works wonderfully for me, for us. When my girls rooms get messy I offer to clean up for them and they joyfully pitch in. I still do most of the work, but they are only five and seven. More and more they take the responsibility onto their own shoulders as they mature. That, I think, is the thing you were missing as a child.

Thank you, Vanessa, for the comments and the chance for me to take this blog in the direction of a discussion, which I so enjoy!

Raving

I know that blogs are where I get some good ideas of things to do, books to read, movies to watch, etc, so I thought I would mention a few things that have been really cool in our lives lately. First, C and I got to watch a "date movie" the other night and I cannot recommend it highly enough. It was The Notebook based on the book by Nicholas Sparks, I think. Very good, got my dear husband crying and both of us appreciating our relationship even more. I told A the basic storyline the next day, leaving off the very end because I found myself crying and also I wanted her to experience it for herself when she watches it when she is older. Well, the little stinker guessed the ending! Sometimes I wonder where they get their wisdom!

The other big thing I wanted to mention is Skype , an internet computer-to-computer phone system. My brother emailed me last weekend and asked if we had a webcam and told us to get one if not and download skype so the cousins could talk. Well, we have one, but we needed a microphone. A and I went shopping the other day and got one. Then we set it all up when we got home and called them. It was sooooo cool. I kept flashing back to Max Headroom! We talked for over an hour and the kids showed each other their toys and cats and funny faces. We need to update our webcam, our picture was pixelated and the refresh rate was very slow, but it was still cool. And the best part is that it is FREE. Ok, the hardware sets you back a bit at startup, but after that...free! I want all my friends to get set up and call us! You can look me up under my full name after you sign up. The girls' friend M is moving pretty soon and I hope they can get set up with skype so the girls can keep in touch. Hint hint!

That's all for now, but will share more like this in the future. Oh yeah I wanted to put in a plug for comments. I'd like to know who is reading this and how it is affecting you. I know I need to give some to get some, so I promise to comment on some blogs too. If you don't have a blog, but read this one to keep in touch with us, family springs to mind, let me know you are out there once in a while. I wanna know what you all are up to as well, and you know how good I am with the phone.