Stunning Ignorance

Seriously, I am stunned. I have spent some time the last few days reading comments on Dr Phil's show on homeschooling and the NYTimes article about unschooling, and all I can say is people are not afraid to show their ignorance. Reallly not afraid. It is scary. I mean, you are welcome to disagree with unschooling, free to feel it does not meet your goals for your children, but to simply make blanket statements about how it cannot work, in the face of the fact that it DOES work, is just plain ignorant. Do some research, people!
"I don't understand..."
"There is no way..."
"I can't see..."
"How in the world...?"
Yep.
You DON'T understand.
There IS a way.
You haven't even LOOKED to be able to see.
I'll SHOW you how if you'd shut up for a second and open your mind and heart to other "realities".

Fortunately, what other people think does not change what I know to be true for me and my family. Our lives speak for themselves. The joy in our lifestyle washes away any fear of the future, and according to some seriously powerful spiritual Truth, ensures that All Will Be Well. Welcome to my reality.

Humble Pie

Tonight, while tucking A into bed, she told me, "You are the best mama in the world." Not one to take a compliment well, I challenged her. "How do you know? How many other mothers have you had?" She said, "Just because I think you are. (pause for dramatic affect) No, I know you are."

Now, I know I am not the best mother in the world, far from it. But I do know that I am trying to be the best mother I can be to my girls. So, to have, in the span of one day, someone tell me their daughter calls her a "mean mom" and my daughter tell me I was the best, was quite a ride. I figure all children must see their parents as the greatest, until you, as the parent, do something to damage that estimation. I must be doing something right.

I have been exposed to the mainstream ideas of parenting lately, which I normally avoid like the plague. It has been interesting, to say the least. People really do believe that to focus on your child's happiness is to do them a disservice. As if making them miserable is doing right by them. But I digress. How can living a life of joy with your children possibly be hurting them? I just do not get it. A truely happy child is not mean spirited and selfish. Their happiness wells up inside them and spills over, effecting all around them positively. Happy children do not look like "spoiled" children. They are so "full" they are able to give and love in return. There is a difference between joyful living and being a doormat to your child's every whim, people. It is NOT about martyrdom. It is about living together with mutual respect, loving unconditionally, and being a true partner with your child.

Children learn to act and be what they see all around them. If you are respectful of them, they learn how to be respectful of you. If you are loving towards them, they know how to love another. We say, as a society, that you have to earn respect. And we mean you have to be worthy of my respect before I will give you any. Then we tell our children that they have to respect their elders. Well, I say, what are you doing, as the elder, to earn your child's respect? Hmmm? Where is the behavior or traits worthy of esteem? Children need to be shown what that looks like, how to be a person worthy of esteem. And we need to be patient with them while they work on getting that, not expect them to be instantly grown-up just because we told them to be. The way I see it, respect is something you get when you give it. Not the other way around. You can't demand it, but not show it.

So, these are the things that I think about and try to put into practice in my life as a mother. Try being the operative word. On days like today, when I get a sweet reminder that I am on the right track, I am humbled. Because, really, it is not about me. It's about them. Those two sweet girls sleeping in their beds upstairs. And what they think, know, matters more than what I think, anyday.

Goodbye Death Valley

We had a very nice day today. C flew us all over to Death Valley in his plane. We woke up later than we had planned, but we were not in any hurry. After driving to the airport, getting a ride to the hanger, and waiting around while Daddy did the pre-flight check, we got off the ground about 11am. This time we had headsets for the kids, so they got in on the conversation, and looked tres chic in the latest aero fashion.

The ride over was very pleasant, only about an hour long and very smooth. I sat up front with our pilot and he let me touch his yoke! Ahem. I mean I got to fly the plane a little. Fun! When we landed at Furnace Creek, we parked the plane and took a walk over to the ranch, about a half mile. Good thing it was not summer or it would have been a very hot walk. We could have gotten a shuttle, but we wanted the exercise. A was very hungry, but not so starving she passed up a chance to explore a wash. We had fun looking at the rocks and I found a bright orange feather with a black tip for E.

The walk to find the ranch area with the restaurants took us past the golf course, campgrounds and through all these huge palm trees. We choose to eat lunch at the Forty Niner Cafe, which was very nice. Good service and yummy food. After we had refilled our bellies, we browsed the general store for souvenirs. I got a Death Valley magnet and A picked out a couple of little trinkets. E kept showing me things she wanted to save up for and buy "when we come back here". That was a minor shock from the girl who usually spends every cent she has the moment she gets it in her hot little hands. I guess we will have to go back...

With the shopping behind us, we headed over to the Borax Museum, which was in a very old wooden building. The inside was small and, other than some cool borate minerals, did not hold the girls interest. Outside in back was more interesting. They had all kinds of old rusty metal machinery and wagon wheels and train locomotives and other contraptions. Most of it was used somehow in the mining and transport of borax or gold in the old days. Pretty neat.

After that, we walked back to the visitors center to check it out on our way out. We had to get flying back before it got too late or we would end up flying in the dark. We looked around quickly and asked a ranger about the feather I found. It probably belonged to a Flicker, a type of woodpecker. Got some maps and pamphlets to look at, E picked more stuff to come back to buy in the gift shop, and we arranged for a ride the rest of the way to the airstrip.

E was being ornery and refused to get in the airplane because she said her ears hurt on the way over. She said she would wait for a taxi! Somehow, we got her to agree to get in, probably C promising to fly lower and the fact that she got offered the front seat! A was only too pleased to have me sit with her in the back, until she lost one of her little souvenirs, an onyx animal carving, down a crack behind her seat. She pouted the whole way home, but did manage to enjoy the first ten minutes looking out the window while C circled and climbed in order to get over the mountains. E, on the other hand, had a blast up front with Daddy. She flew for a good 20 minutes. That's her, looking all pilot-like, in the picture to the left.

Before we began our descent, I opened and then closed tightly, A's water bottle and told her to keep an eye on it. We watched it collapse in as we went down in altitude . Here she is showing me how much it got squished after we landed. That perked her up a bit, but when we got back to the hanger and could not find her animal carving, she was a very sad girl. She is over it now, but it was a tough spot for her to get through. She did say that the pewter rattlesnake that she still has represents Death Valley better than the seal carving she lost, so she is looking on the bright side!

In one of the pamphlets I got at the visitors center, I read that some of the gold rush 49-ers used Death Valley as a short cut to California. It was not a good shortcut, and one of the miners died there. As the rest of the party was leaving, one reportedly turned back and said, "Goodbye, death valley" and the name stuck. I always wondered why it was called that. Anyway, it is a pretty interesting place, despite the name. It was nice to be able to make a quick day trip like this with the plane. Saved us many hours in the car, for sure, and C was thrilled to have us fly somewhere with him. But it would be good to go back sometime to explore some more of the historical and geological attractions.

I'll leave you with a shot from the air of the Furnace Creek area:

Mathy

The other morning, as the family was lounging in our bed, waking up for the day, A asked me to give her some math problems. This child, who has just recently awoken and come into her parent's room to crawl into bed for a snuggle, chooses, as her first "event" of the day, to "do" math. This child, who has no math forced upon her every day, chooses it freely. She has it in her head that she likes math and who am I to argue? So, I give her some sums, ones that involved three digit numbers, like 400+ 700. She figured them all out. How? I do not know. What I mean by that is that I have not taught her any of this, she just figures it out in her own little head. And this is how it should be! We are not into memorization of anything, especially math "facts". That is not thinking! It is mindless regurgitation. Mathy vomit.

So, tonight she is wanting me to give her more math problems as I cook for Thanksgiving and she rollerblades around the kitchen. So, I do. Problems like 375+ 125. She sometimes goes out the door to the back patio when she needs to think extra hard, and comes back in with the right answer every time. This invisible (can't show the work!) math fascinates me. After a while, C goes to our library and gets one of the workbooks that well meaning relatives are constantly buying for the girls. He got the one for the grade A would be in if she were in school and showed her what kind of math she would be doing. She took one look and declared it all "simple!" Uh, yeah, it was all single digit sums and sequences. She was doing four digit addition in her head! Needless to say, I have no math worries.

The point of this is not to brag on my girl for being "ahead" of her schooled peers. I'm sure there are areas that they would know more than she does. The point is , she did not need to be "taught" this and she will forever know it, because she did it on her own, for her own reasons. And her sense of self and her confidence in her own abilities is rock solid. She chose to challenge herself tonight and rose to that challenge beautifully.

I love unschooling.

Daddy's Little Girls

I am very lucky to have the kind of husband I do, but sometimes I think my girls are luckier to have him as their father. He would argue with me till the cows come home about this, but it is true. He is one cool daddy-o. Case in point, in the picture with E above, he is about to leave to take her out on a special date with Daddy. She wanted to go out to eat at a fancy restaurant and get all dolled up for it. When he came down from getting ready and only had jeans and a polo on, she told him he was not fancy enough, so up he went to change into a shirt and tie. Didn't even bat an eye when she said it. How cool is that? Very, if you ask a little girl I know. And when she told him she only wanted to eat a banana split, can you guess what was ordered? Yup! Ice cream for dinner.

I love that man.

Snapshots of Our Life

A likes to do funny things to her face, have me photograph her, and THEN, put it on the internet. Go figure.

The girls ready to head out for our camping trip.

Inside our tent at Zion. Are we excited yet?

A and I went on a hike by ourselves. Here she is on top of the world and lovin' it!

There was this really awesome old tree at our campsite and the girls and their friends had a blast climbing all over it.

E on the phone with her friend while playing at Club Penguin.

A with her new scarf that I knitted for her. Doesn't she look glamorous?

A Little List

Rather than do a separate post for each thing I want to blog about or a huge one with everything all in one, I am going to make a list of what I can think of off the top of my head and we'll go from there. There! Perfectionism, begone! Here we go:

1. Camping was good, colder but not much different than last year, so I don't need to blog about it. See last years' post in the archives (Oct 2005) if that does not cut it for you.

2. I was asked to be a main speaker at the Live and Learn Conference next year. I said yes. I will speak about something wonderful, but I still have a few days before I have to give my ideas to the conference diva so I'm not spilling any beans yet. Besides, I'd rather you come to the conference (or buy the recording) to hear what I have to say anyway! BWAHAHAHAAA

3. Awesome article for you to read here if you want some insight into why we unschool. Required reading if you are related to me in any way.

4. The girls have been having fun playing on an online game called Club Penguin which they heard about from their friend M. They spent several days last week on the phone with her, each at a different computer, exploring the online world of their penguins. They even got their daddy to get his own penguin so he could play as well. Much fun!

5. I have been enjoying a daily email service called the Daily Groove. It wonderfully sums up our take on parenting, and I love the daily reminder. The guy behind the emails is Scott Noelle and his website is Enjoy Parenting, where you can sign up for them. Really great stuff there!

6. I do have one excuse for not blogging and that is that I moved all the computers in the house to one room, the family room. I am able to surf and read blogs, while the girls watch tv or play on their computer, and much togetherness has been happening. But not much blogging. That seems to take quiet focus for me and with the girls in the room with me, I can be so much more present for them while I am online, but I can't be present enough for writing it seems. So that is why I am writing this down here, while they play upstairs with Daddy. It is a grand experiment in meeting everyone's needs better and time will iron out the wrinkles.

Ok, top of my head is now empty. I'll be back with some deep thoughts or lots of pictures. Whichever I feel like doing first.

I'm baaaack!

Miss me? I know I have been MIA for far too long this month and I am sorry but I have no good excuse. No alien abductions, deaths in the family, or major mental breakdowns to report. Blogging has happened in my head and no further. I have so much to talk about, but I fear I will not get around to it all. The perfectionist in me says I can't do anything half way, so blogging about today does not cut it if I have skipped over too many days leading up to today. But, you know what? I am going to hit publish on this baby anyway! I will be back with lots of pictures and some words on our last few weeks. And maybe even some deep thoughts. Later, alligator!

COOL!!!

Live and Learn Conference movie HERE. Check it out, especially those who have no idea what an unschooling conference looks like!

Happy Halloween!

Here are a few pictures from our Halloween celebration. We were going to have a big party, but then camping happened this weekend and I knew I was not going to have the energy to do a party. So, we just invited some friends over to go trick or treating in our neighborhood with us. The girls and I spent the day getting the house ready, making Daddy's costume, and getting our costumes on. A was a witch, E was Rapunzel, and I was a fairy. Everyone brought some dinner food to share before we headed out to fill our bags with candy. The kids ran around and played and jumped on the trampoline before we went out. C got home and I had him put on his costume - he was a wizard- so he could hold down the fort and hand out candy to the visiting ghost and goblins. The kids had a great time hitting up the neighbors for treats. It was too funny to watch the lot of them crowd up to the door and yell out "trick or treat!" as loud as they could when the door was opened. Less than half the kids who came to our door even said anything. They just stood there holding out their bags. It was weird. Next year I think I am going to just stand there and look at them until they say something! "Can I help you?"
Hope you all had fun, too!